Swearing

swearing is an essential to be taught in school…but what to do…there arnt but this site will teach you to swear and this is also in all the language…so happy swearing    youswear

10 Top Ways To Spot A Ladyboy Katoey In Thailand

Many first time tourists head out on their own, or with their tourist buddies and proceed to pick up a hot woman at the local nightclub – only to realise that the hot she is a hot he, locally known as a Katoey or Ladyboy.

So rather than insult her, and make yourself look like a git in the process – Here’s how to spot a Katoey / Ladyboy in Thailand…

The top 10 ways to spot a ladyboy or katoey are;

1. Facial hair – yes I know it is obvious but I have seen tourists out dancing with a katoey / ladyboy sporting 5 o’clock shadows. Thai girls are generally quite hairless.
2. She is too beautiful to be true – if she is tall and beautiful and not working as a model then chances are it’s a he. A Ladyboy / Katoey go to great lengths to look beautiful, even to the point of surgery – eyes, lips, breasts, and even the cut and tuck, though from all accounts most are cross dressers without the final surgery.
3. She has a penis – again not so hard to figure out but many a katoey / ladyboy will go for a grope of your private parts shortly after meeting you – as far as I am concerned this opens the door for you to return the grope. A hard bulge is not so easy to spot either – many tuck it up between their legs and even tape it there.
4. Adams apple – girls don’t have one. Thai girls definitely don’t have one
5. Slightly masculine – Thai girls are extremely feminite, extremely. If you meet one who has an athletic, hard body or has a slightly hard face then this too is an indicator. Just to confuse things Khmer girls (Cambodian) are more muscular than Thai girls, you can tell them though they are generally short and dark skinned.
6. Big Hands / Feet – Thai girls are reknown for have tiny cute hands and feet, if your chick is sporting size 10 high heels you are going to have to question whether you want to check out what else is at large
7. Excessive makeup – Thai girls dont usually wear a lot of makeup, if she has foundation caked on, and has her maeup done very well then it is likely she is a ladyboy
8. Tall – Thai girls are short, averaging about 155cm, or less. If she is getting up to around 6′ then she is a model or if she is talking to a tourist (you) then it is much more likely that you are being chatted up by a ladyboy / katoey
9. She wants to do ‘it’ in the dark and never undresses in front of you. Thai girls are generally shy, except during the business. I have heard stories of guys going with a katoey / ladyboy and then next day not even been aware that they had sex with a man, if she wants to do it from behind or in the total dark at all times or just wants to suck you all night long then you should go for grope or a surprise lighting effect
10. Her friends – ladyboys and katoeys tend to stick together and not all of them are stunners, if you see a hot girl sitting with some obvious transvestites then your hot girl will be one too 99% of the time. They tend to stick together, and like football players – they hunt in packs.
11. Ask – if in doubt just ask – Are you a ladyboy?

Optimize your Buzz: How to Stay Where you Want to be

 This is for the people who enjoy partying…make good use of the information given below..cheers

Most people drink alcohol because it makes them feel good. But that’s true only up to a certain point, after which alcohol makes you feel worse, then bad, then sick, then…well…dead.

If you track the progression of how you feel through the night, it roughly resembles a bell curve. As the number of drinks increases, your mood gets better, you feel great, and the world is your oyster. You can see this phenomenon represented in graphical form below;

After you pass your optimum buzz, increases in your blood alcohol content (BAC) are not only going to make you feel worse, but are another nail in the hangover coffin. Depending on the person, the “best” feelings from alcohol come when your BAC is between 0.03 and 0.12.

At this BAC, you are clinically in the “Euphoria” stage. Symptoms include sociability, talkativeness, increased self-confidence and decreased inhibitions.

However, as your BAC starts approaching 0.15 – 0.25, things begin to go downhill. At this point, you lose critical judgment, your perception is impaired, and your sensory-motor coordination is shot. But it gets worse. Around 0.3 BAC there is almost a complete loss of motor function, slurred speech and a potential for vomiting. Past 0.3, you are probably “blacked out,” and walking on a line close to death.

The question then becomes: How do I stay in the “Euphoria” stage? To start, let’s look at common drinks and their alcohol content (average % alcohol/average alcohol content by volume):

For simplicity, we are going to classify one drink as 0.50 oz of alcohol. You can see that one drink would approximately be one shot of hard liquor, one beer (lager) or one glass of wine. However, some beers and cocktails almost count as two drinks, and a double whiskey based drink counts as four. Here is a table of BACs based on weight and the number of drinks (@ 0.5 oz alcohol).

This table gives a rough estimate of what your blood alcohol content would be without consideration of absorption, elimination and tolerance. Said factors have a profound influence on your BAC, and should be taken into consideration. With all of this information in mind, let’s look at some examples of “how to stay where you want to be”;

Digg McBeer is a 150 pound, 23 year old computer programmer who only drinks beer. After Digg’s nightly meal of pizza and bread sticks, he heads out to the local watering hole with a friend. Because Digg is socially awkward, he doesn’t drink very much and has a low tolerance. After arriving (and finding the most secluded corner of the bar) he drinks three beers an hour for the first two hours. Looking at the chart, his BAC would be: 6 drinks consumed – 2 drinks eliminated (for the two hours) – 1 drink for slowed absorption = 0.075 BAC, and right in the zone. If Digg now drinks one beer per hour he will stay right where he wants to be.

Ally Boozeface is a 32 year old certified cougar, on the prowl once again. Ally has been in the game since her sophomore year in college, and has an extraordinarily high tolerance. Unfortunately, she has been packing on the pounds lately and now tips the scale at 160 pounds. To compensate, she usually drinks on an empty stomach. Ally’s favorite drink is gin and tonic (G&T), and she can drink them very fast. As soon as she reaches the local singles bar, Ally orders two gin and tonics and begins drinking. After the first hour, she has already put down four gin and tonics and is in a great mood. Lets see why; 4 G&T x (0.85 oz/G&T) = 3.4 oz alcohol / 0.5 oz alcohol/drink = 7 drinks. – 2 drinks (high metabolic tolerance) = 5 drinks. Ally has a BAC 0.117, which would normally be on the way down the graph, but is perfect for her because she has a high functional tolerance. If she drinks one G&T per hour she will stay where she wants to be.

A Playlist For Life’s “Special” Moments :D

Prepping For Self-Pleasure

 It started in the morning when the secretary greeted you with a flirty hello. Her cleavage was even more ripe than usual, and you spent the remainder of the day grinding up against the leg of your desk. You count down the minutes until five o’clock, fly home and proceed to spend the next four minutes in the friendly confines of your bathroom making Kleenex ghosts. As men, we realize part of our genetic makeup includes the deep-rooted desire to routinely exercise the semen demon, and now, we have a playlist for it.

Song 1- In the Mood For Love: Frank Sinatra, Song 2 – Doll Parts: Hole, Song 3 – Whip It: Devo, Song 4 – Stroke It: Clarence Carter, Song 5 – Spank Thru: Nirvana, Song 6 – Steady Pull: Jonathan Brooke Song 7 – Soul Suckin Jerk: Beck, Song 8 – Jerk It Out: Caesars, Song 9 - I Touch Myself: The Divinyls, Song 10 – So Lonely: The Police

Disposing Of A Body

Granted, this situation (hopefully) doesn’t come up as often as the desire to rub one out, but rest assured there may come a time in your life when something goes terribly wrong. One bad decision can lead to a lifetime of midnight visits from your cellmate Bubba, who may or may not decide your new name is Theresa. Nobody wants to deal with the physical and mental anguish of prison rape, so your first objective is to get rid of 125 pounds of indisputable evidence that’s slowly starting to make your hall closet smell like a sauna full of rancid pork. Here are the tunes that will help you do it.

Song 1 – Died In Your Arms Tonight: Cutting Crew, Song 2 – Cleanin Out My Closet: Eminem, Song 3 – Chop Me Up: Three Six Mafia, Song 4 – Digging a Ditch: Dave Mathews Band, Song 5 – Bury Me In Black: My Chemical Romance, Song 6: Swimming In Your Ocean: Crash Test Dummies, Song 7 – Lay Down Sally: Eric Clapton, Song 8 – Givin The Dog A Bone: ACDC, Song 9 – Murder 101: The Wallflowers, Song 10 – Body Count: Ice-T

Banging Your Buddy’s New Wife At Her Own Wedding Reception

You used to shrug off her infrared fuck-me eyes from the kitchen during poker games at your buddies house. Maybe she’s just one of those flirty types. Then you get invited to the wedding and even better, you’re the best man. The ceremony was beautiful and the booze at the reception is flowing strong and hard. As you’re walking back to the hall from the bathroom, you’re accosted by the blushing bride, except she’s not blushing, she’s super drunk, and super horny. Morality test meet gin and water, gin and water, morality test. Really, what other options did you have aside from taking her up to your room and stuffing her like a spicy spring roll. Hey, at least it wasn’t some random guy, plus, you’ll have the playlist ready to rock.

Song 1 – I’m An Asshole: Dennis Leary, Song 2 – Forbidden Love: Madonna, Song 3 – Gift of Flesh: Def Leppard, Song 4 – Love and Marriage: Frank Sinatra, Song 5 – Why Trust You: Alice Cooper, Song 6 – Sex Cow: Gwar, Song 7 – White Wedding: Billy Idol, Song 8 – Dirty: Christina Aguillera, Song 9 – Here Comes The Bride (instrumental), Song 10 – That’s What Friends Are For: Dionne Warwick

Vomiting Blood After “Absinthe Night”

It sounded like a superb idea at the time. “Let’s get the boys together for a night on the town. We’ll drink a shitload of absinthe at my place till midnight, then go make it rain at the Brass Rail”. When you wake up on the floor, you’re partially naked and lying in a pool of regurgitated meatball sub. It feels like somebody is playing Arkanoid in your head with steel tennis ball. You realize your wallet is gone and the car is on the front lawn as you crawl into the bathroom and proceed to bleed from every orifice like Bruce Willis’ feet in Die Hard. On the plus side, at least you made it home, and, you’ve got just the music for the occasion.

Song 1 – Sunday Bloody Sunday: U2, Song 2 – Evil Deeds: Eminem, Song 3 – Down With The Sickness: Disturbed, Song 4 – Devil Inside: INXS, Song 5 – Purple Hills: D12, Song 6 – Suicide Solution: Ozzy Osborne, Song 7 – Painkillers: Babes In Toyland, Song 8 – Creeping Death: Metallica, Song 9 – This Is The End: The Doors

The Wife Finally Agrees To “Open The Back Door”

Your wife/girlfriend has always said “I don’t get it” and “why would you want to stick it in there”? Well honey, I guess it’s a guy thing, but there isn’t anything we’d like to do more than finally pound that virgin balloon knot. After months, possibly years of begging, your dogged determination has finally paid off and she is open to letting you take the dirt road all the way home. You set the mood with some ice-cold malt liquor in foam cups while she drops three tranquilizers, but the moment would not be complete without the proper aural stimulation, so here’s your list.

Song 1 – Brown Eyed Girl: Van Morrisson, Song 2 – Vaseline: Stone Temple Pilots, Song 3 – Relax: Duran Duran, Song 4 – Hit Me With Your Best Shot: Pat Benatar, Song 5 – Push It: Salt N Pepa, Song 6 – Down In A Hole: Alice In Chains, Song 7 – Hurt: Nine Inch Nails, Song 8 – Breaking The Girl: Red Hot Chili Peppers, Song 9 – Rump Shaker: Wreckx-N-Effect, Song 10 – Can You Feel The Love Tonight: Elton John

Stalking Your Ex-Girlfriends On Facebook

Still using Myspace? Loser. All the cool kids have already made the switch to Facebook, and many of them are using this tool to track down and monitor every move made by girls they used to date. Call it psychopathic, call it creepy, just don’t call me while I’m trying to figure out if this new guy she’s seeing is actually a certified gynecologist. I don’t see what the big deal is. Yeah, we used to date; now I’m just curious what you’ve been up to, and where you live, and what time your husband gets home from work, and what color your panties are. Just normal stuff. Besides, it’s not like I touch myself inappropriately to the pictures…that often. Now you can enjoy some background music while you cyber-sidle up to your former flames.

Song 1 – Psycho: System Of A Down, Song 2 – Crazy: Leann Rimes, Song 3 – Every Breath You Take: The Police, Song 4 – Someone’s Lookin At You: Boomtown Rats, Song 5 – Spy Hard: Weird Al Yankovich, Song 6 – Hungry Eyes: Eric Carmen, Song 7 – Eyes Of A Stranger: Queensryche, Song 8 – Somebody’s Watchin Me (I Always Feel Like): Rockwell w/Michael Jackson, Song 9 – Creep: Radiohead, Song 10 – I Will Remember You: Sarah MacLachlin

Turn an ordinary T-shirt into a NINJA mask!